Many families are grieving the loss of loved ones this holiday season. 2020 brought a great deal of loss due to COVID-19, violence, overdoses or suicide. The stress of the holidays or memories that circle back can bring up extreme feelings of grief.
"We have to work in our own time, and find a way in our new life," Columbus mother Jacqueline Casimire said.
This is the first holiday season without her son, Cornelius. Christmas Eve will mark three months since he was shot and killed. Casimire said she is taking the holidays slow this year.
"He just loved putting up the Christmas tree," she said. "It was something we did. It was a routine for us. I got my Christmas tree out of the garage. It doesn't have anything on it, but that was a major accomplishment. Because it really could have stayed in the garage this year."
She is not alone in feeling empty. Psychologist and president of The Center for Cognitive and Behavioral Therapy in Columbus, Dr. Kevin Arnold said these feelings of grief are normal around the holiday season. Often, fond memories come to mind that may involve the person lost.
"We usually get together with the people that we love," Dr. Arnold said. "When there is an empty chair or the person that usually carves the turkey isn't there, those are reminders of that person not being there anymore. That will bring back grief."
Casimire said she is trying to do things to get ready little by little. However, her life is forever changed, and so is every holiday that approaches.
"I don't want to sit down at Christmas dinner and see my macaroni and cheese without the middle dugout," she said. "That's what my son always did. He went straight for the middle. He would not take it around the edges. Only the middle. Then, we would all fuss at him. If I could fuss at my son for taking the middle out of the mac and cheese this Christmas, that would be such a blessing."
Dr. Arnold said do not fight this grief alone. Many people are feeling similar feelings, especially after 2020.
"It's okay to have real feelings," Arnold said. "We're not going to have the feelings that the Lifetime and Hallmark channel tell us we should feel. We're going to have those real feelings. The holidays can be a time of great stress and it can bring grief."
He also said, if you have a faith, lean into that. Recognize grief will have its ups and downs.
"When you get on a roller coaster you get periods of time when you might think everything is going to go sideways, and you might die. But you don't jump off the roller coaster, you ride it out. When it's done, it's done. Accept the fact that missing someone through grief is a part of loving them."
Arnold said don't be afraid to reach out and ask for help through this time. His office, The Center for Cognitive and Behavioral Therapy, is taking new patients. If you feel your thoughts are causing you to draw inward and not take part in any conversations or virtual activities, he recommends seeking therapy.